My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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