They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
