You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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