I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
