Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
