i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
