I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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