she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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