in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
