Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
