i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
