why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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