Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
this will be a night to untag.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
