I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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