Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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