And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
