decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
