My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
