Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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