Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
