The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
