I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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