If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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