Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
