in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
