): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
