It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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