i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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