how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
