I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?