She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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