you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
