So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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