Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
