We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My penis needs a shock collar
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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