tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
