Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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