i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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