Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
