i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
FUCK WHALES
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
