im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
