someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
