I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
