When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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