Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
