Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
