Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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