Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
