this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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