Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
