can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
