He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
