Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
