I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
