Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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