Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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