I accidentally had phone sex last night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
