Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I want her autograph on my taint
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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