Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
