my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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