weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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