tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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