She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
