youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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